No Love

Good morning Luna
My chest feels so heavy, i need to pour my sorrowness out.
Im getting old, and many life facts iam being force to accept. Married and having kids, they drown you badly 1st your body ruined since you gotten pregnant. Nobody wanna touch you but you keeps hearing nasty remark like "your feet is swollen!", "your tummy is so huge!" "you walks like a penguin" wont you be hurt? These are one of the reason i never feel happiness at all times.
Got my belly cut open to delivers the baby, it took me 3-5months to feel the pain, the lower tummy feels numb all the time, when you poke, it'll be painfull. All those tiring and sleepless day & night draining my energy, eyes swollen and dark circles are so thick. No one comfort you, nasty hurtfull remarks awaits.
Then, he only shows you more n more hurtfull acts. He tell his child i love you, but not to me he did everything he could for his daughther but not me he kiss them countless but not once for me. So what i am to you?!
Leave the kids in my care, play with them when you feel like doing it. Going out, you want to be with other people instead of me.
How you expect my reaction to all these. I feel like someones is pushing me real hard telling me i should realize iam just so worthless that i should die rightaway then i will not be the pain in the neck to you.

Dear Luna-san...
although iam so aware of whats inside his heart for me. Iam very hurt, but its nothing new to me. The more i see, probably would help me reach enlightment soon. Honestly o keep holding my tears, seeing how its so easy being him, okay myself.. its okay, lets just close my eyes, close my heart, close my ears, lets just listen to my own voice "forget him" letting go of him please...

Loneliness you cant bear

When you watch romantic movies, and you are so aware that every scene were just fantasies. Listen to love songs, your mind telling you there's no such person alive in this world~my world. Can anyone understand what kind of life i have been living in ?
Many times, iam angry to God, why?
When i 1st met him, i was size xs, i weight 45kg. Today everything change, and why is it my fault? If marriage supposed to be blessings and childbirth supposed to be wonderful womanhood experience, why doesnt he appreaciate?
why this body keeps feeling extreme tired, it change into a horrible shape, it no longer holds and you are incapable of bringin anything back.
I hate my life, i really do.
looking at my reflection, i have only why's which never been answered.