you ever lose to yourself ?

sickening indeed.
he chats is good, nothing wrong nothing bad, he can judge, he wont do anything bad, midnight to morning to night again they can keep chit chat. look at his phone and smile.
me, with school mommies, is a sin. dont know whether i really befriend with aunties. everyday i eat good food. i should stop looking at my phone because i have to settles the kids.
told him so much about the damned maid.
told him how difficult i have to deal. so what? after all its still back to ZERO. its still back to his decision, still about using her. or get another HER. what the fucking difference it will make ??
cant vent anger, coz i will not win. i would be end up crying or hurt many sides, and he will be the one feels nothing. Great huh.
what a great choice of men.
what a great years of life i have endured and years of many more i have to endure.
what a loving husband i got there.
sick.